Ace had a soft spot for phenyl groups. It was something about the electrons partially bonded into a double bond, the six carbon atoms tightly joined together, that sent a shiver down Ace’s acetyl groups. Floating in liquid form in a dark cupboard of the university chemistry lab, he sighed with longing. Day-dreaming of bonding and love.
It was an ordinary Tuesday afternoon when they met. During a first year chemistry class.
The cupboard was opened. The glass beaker that was home to Ace and the other Acetic Anhydrides was taken out. Ace felt the pressure of suction as a buret pulled them up. They were dropped unceremoniously into a beaker.
Ace saw him immediately. A Salicylic Acid!
There was an ongoing bustle in the beaker. The stirrer pushed them around the sides of the walls and he whooshed past, a picture of perfection. His prodigious phenyl ring, decorated by two mere functional groups. Such aesthetics! Ace wanted to speak to him, introduce himself more than anything. Instead, Ace was totally tongue tied and the commotion and stirring of the beaker made it difficult to reach him. Ace nearly lost sight of his perfect molecule!
What do I say? What do I say?
They rushed past him, Salicylic Acid, after Salicylic Acid, each with they own individual phenyl groups, but Ace had been star-stuck by the one molecule he had seen. In any case, they were all ignoring him.
“Hello!” he tried to say, only to be shoved by a mess of bonds and have it come out as a grunt. Eloquent.
Ace contorted his mind in trying to find a good pick-up line.
Hey baby! I’ve got my ion you! Too cheesy.
The electrons around him buzzed like the wings of a nervous butterfly.
Hey handsome! You’re hotter than a Bunsen burner turned all the way up! Ace cringed. Too forward.
More Salicylic acids whooshed past and paid Ace no mind.
Hello! My name is Ace. Boring
Hey! Want to form a covalent bond with me? Absolutely not!!
Something happened at the top of the beaker that Ace didn’t see.
Hello! My name is Bond! Covalent Bond! Mmm.. maybe?
New molecules entered the mix. Ace was too preoccupied to realise.
“Need a hand mate!”
Ace turned towards the unexpected acidic thick accent. He’d been so focused on his pickup lines he didn’t see the arrival of...
“Name’s Phosphoric acid, Pop for short” the new molecule jovially introduced himself. “You seem to be having some trouble making the first move”.
Ace had to heartily agree.
“What you need mate!” Pop continued unperturbed “is a wing man”.
Ace was puzzled. What was a wing man?
Pop didn’t explain, he just acted. Taking one of his hydrogens he slapped it squarely onto one of Ace’s oxygens. The resulting effect was alluring. The hydrogen pulled in the charge from Ace’s carbon and highlighted Ace’s reactivity. Ace felt loop-sided and awkward, but…with the speed of a spring, the Salicylic Acids that had been whizzing around, ignoring him completely, took notice.
He was there too. The Molecule of his dreams.
They eyed each other. Ace showed off his new reactive carbon.
“Hello” said the stupendous Salicylic acid “I’m Sam”. His phenyl group was resplendent.
Ace’s tongue was stuck in his throat, but he managed a “Hello”.
Sam offered him an electron pair. Ace tentatively moved towards it. When it entered his carbon, Ace first gasped in surprise. Second with another emotion that could not be described. Then, with panic.
The new electrons were making one of his Acetyl groups unstable. It was moving away to form an acetic acid. Ace struggled. Unsure of what to do. Was the bonding worth losing half of his structure!?
Sam’s voice came, whispering in his ear, softly and reassuring. “We all make sacrifices to love… remember”. Ace looked towards his partner’s comforting words. He saw one of Sam’s hydrogens falling off. It moved to Ace’s acetyl group. With a sign of pain and pleasure Ace let go of the acetyl group. It floated away as an acetic acid.
He bonded with Sam and they floated together intertwined in the beaker.
***
They would end up pressed together with others in an aspirin tablet.
Their sacrifice and bond, ready to provide relief to those in pain.
A reference, because I’m a scientist!
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